Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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