I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
