Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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