woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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