Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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