So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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