Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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