Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
