yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
