I met the friendliest cop last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
