Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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