Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
