Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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