you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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