maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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