Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
