walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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