Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize