I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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