You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
