Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
