she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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