I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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