I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm too high and old for this...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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