I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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