C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
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I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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