i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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