WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
