This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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