I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
