His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
