I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
