Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Actions speak louder than pants.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
