I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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