fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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