I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
