I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
