I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
