Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
