I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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