Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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