first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
