it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
