but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
