I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
