Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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