sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
