So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
