ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
