pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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