Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
