I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
