I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
