So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
