he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
someone owes me an orgasm
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
