yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
