I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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