everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
