kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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