Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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