a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
