Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
