I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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