So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I AM VODKA MAN
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
