Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
