I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
