Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Actions speak louder than pants.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
