How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
