I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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