i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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