So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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