Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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