I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
should my penis look like a turkey
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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