I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
